What have I been up to lately ? - Week 9

I thought it was time to write on the blog again. School keeps me really busy and we have a long schedule so there is very little free time unfortunately. However, this week I am enjoying a short break from school at home, which begins on Monday again. I still got tonight, tomorrow and the entire weekend to enjoy some free time.

Apart from not having much time I did not really feel like writing. Or like doing anything. Since I 'moved out' I have been feeling really homesick and doubting things and decisions I have made in life so far and it feels horrible. School is fun and I am learning a lot, but at the end of the day I sometimes dread to go back to my flat, by myself, cook and clean by myself and then spend the evening by myself.. and then being alone once I wake up. I like that things are quiet but I feel lonely, except for when friends, family or my boyfriend comes over.

When I first decided to change schools during the summer, I was all excited about moving out and have an entire different life, but now it does not seem that fun at all. I've become very anxious and sometimes I don't feel like this is my life, so much has changed. I miss little things, but also the most basic thing in the world: being home. Unfortunately it is one of the things you miss the most when they're gone. that's when you discover how nice it really was, and then feel bad about not enjoying it while you had it..

Even though I called it moving out, I don't see it that way anymore. I still live at home, but because of the distance and the lack of public transport from Germany to the Netherlands, I live in that flat. I go home whenever I can, during most weekends and vacations. Unlike most people, I do not plan to go live back home fulltime after finishing school. Mainly because I'd like to live together with my boyfriend by then, but also because I wouldn't be able to find a job there and support myself. I'd have to rely on my parents again.

Did anyone have such a hard time moving away for school/college? How did you cope? And, most important; does this horrible feeling go away? Even after months? I'm really, really afraid I won't be able to feel 'home' somewhere other than my parents home. I don't even know if that's normal.

Enough about that, I'd like to tell you what I have been doing for the past few days during my vacation!

Friday was the last day of school and I went to Ahaus with my sister. We had hot chocolate and visited some shops. I really like to spend time with her.

The hot chocolate was really nice!

I didn't do much on Saturday. My boyfriend came over on Sunday, I baked a lot of things that day. We spend the entire Monday together and cooked 'Homity Pie'. It was delicious! I do have a 'before' photo but forgot to take one afterwards.. I will make this again so I'll try to think of making a picture. Here's the recipe if you're interested.

We went for a walk and it was really cold, I like to wrap my scarf around my head when I'm freezing. I'm slowly starting to wear vintage clothing again, i just love it so much. It feels so special.

The pie just before it went into the oven. It was delicious!

My mum visited a friend on tuesday and I went with her, I also did some shopping that day. I bought a cute 40s style dress and 6 pairs of thights which I desperately needed, it is so cold! Yesterday my mum, my sister and I went to a big charity shop and we bought some clothing. I love charity shops, they're really cheap. Which is nice, as I can't afford a lot of things.

Tomorrow we are planning to walk in a park where there are lots of animals, I'm really looking forward to it. I'm not sure yet what I'm going to do on Saturday, I might clean a little and do some crafts, maybe some sewing. On Sunday there is a special day here in Alstatte, called 'Sandhasensonntag'. If the weater is nice enough I might be able to take some pictures and write a post about that. On Sunday evening I'll go back to my flat, and my boyfriend will be there too, which is really nice.

That is all for now!

With love,

Jip.

Looking back and forward

I actually meant to write and publish this post yesterday, on December 31st but time went by so quickly, so I'm writing it today.

Yesterday I celebrated New Year's Eve with my boyfriend and his friends. I recently got a cold and didn't feel very well so I went to bed about 2 AM. Despite that it was a very nice evening. Because I only had my mobile phone with me I could not take any proper pictures. I tried to upload some but the resolution is too low to publish here, I'm sorry!

It is the first day of a new year and even though I could do it at any point in the year, it is a day on which I like to reflect on what happened the past year and just think about all the nice things and things that still need improvement. Last year I wrote down some resolutions for 2015 with the note that I would take a look at them just before the end of 2015 to see how far I've come. Let's take a look!

• Be more healthy: This is a thing I am still working on. I have made some progress, though. I spend less money on junk food but I sometimes get tempted to eat something bad, like crisps, and I find such things hard to resist. I have been thinking of limiting myself to junk food at set times each week. For example: I'll have crisps only on Saturdays. If you have any tips on eating healthier, I'd love to hear them!

• Teach myself how to properly paint nails: I haven't been painting my nails a lot to be honest, just for special occasions. Yesterday I painted them in a nice silver colour to match my evening shoes and I only had to paint them once without accidentally covering my fingers with polish as I've done sooo many times. This motivated me to paint my nails more often because it turned out I can paint them!

• Stress less about everything and think positive: Again, this is something I'm still working on. I have been living on my own for almost two months and that really caused some stress. Especially because I moved the same weekend terrorist attacks took place in Paris. I felt so scared. For three weeks I felt a little numb, afraid of terrorist coming to the Netherlands any minute. It was exhausting. Luckily I feel much better now.

• Be a little more outgoing: I still stammer. Some days are worse than others but since I went to a new school and got to meet new people I have been more outgoing. I even compliment strangers on their clothes sometimes. And I don't mind calling people as much as I did before. 

• Get organized: Since I live on my own in a tiny room, I have discovered that I simply have too much stuff for my living space. I also feel restless when it is a mess, I feel so good when I tidy up, clean the place and be able to sleep in a bed that's just been made. I still make a mess of things sometimes but I throw away garbage quicker than I used to do before because I know it makes me feel good.

I feel proud of myself, I might not have achieved the biggest possible goals but one's got to start somewhere, right?

I will work on the same resolutions on this year and I'll see how I did by the end of 2016. If I set too many goals for myself I know I won't be able to catch up with all of them properly so for now I'm just going to be happy, try not to stress about everything and enjoy the little things in life.

Even though I'm a bit late, I'd like to wish you all a wonderful 2016!

with love,

Jip.

What have I been up to lately ? - Week 41

It has been a while since I last posted and I thought it was time to catch up on some writing.

So first and foremost, I have been busy with school! I decided to switch to another school and do something totally different: social care, and I'd like to specialize in elderly care. Soon I will start my work placement, 2 hours a week for the remainder of the school year in a home for people who suffer from dementiaIt was something I wanted to do even before I started dressmakers school. That was a decision I made too quickly. I'd love to finish it and be a real seamstress one day, I will also continue sewing as a hobby. But for now, I decided I really wanted to go to school again and work with elderly people. So, that is what I am going to be doing for the next three years of my life and I can't wait to learn everything!

-Caution! Lots of pictures ;)-

Read more!

I´m in a fashion identity crisis..

I wish this closet were mine. But it isn´t. Too bad. Let´s get on to what this post really is about.

For the past few months really, I have been trying to improve myself. Especially the way I feel about myself because I have been in a downwards spiral since March. In my life I have only had two significant styles. Some sort of ´Gothic´ style when I was about 9 until the age of 15. I developed a major interest for history and the interest in antique and vintage clothing quickly escalated from there. I am almost 20 now and have been feeling a bit down about the way I dress lately. 

I still love 30s and 40s fashions. I will never dislike history, old books or old kitchens (the last one is a thing I love deeply). I will never dislike vintage fabrics or fashion. Those things have become such a big part of who I am.

Somehow I do not feel as comfortable in cute dresses or long skirts like I used to do. I think I am facing the same problem I did when I went into my ´gothic´-phase. I am not very tall. Only 5"2. This means that very often I look younger than I actually am. I love cute dresses and skirts but they don´t make me feel as mature as I would like to. The thing I did when I was about 9, is the thing I´m probably going to have to do again: toughen up my wardrobe.

For the first time in years I´m curious about how it is to wear pants with boots again. Sweaters. Shirts. Things you can easily find in normal stores and thrift stores. I will not (will never) wear what everyone else wears, I´m sure I can create a style of my own. Combining vintage pieces with thrifted and modern ones, just not as strict 30s or 40s as you probably know me.

I guess that being so strict about what I could and could not wear took away the fun. I have had this style for over 4 years and I think that is where the problem comes from. I mean: who still dresses the same way when they were 15? I still love all things old and will incorporate those. I even think I will want to wear skirt suits, hats and heels on some days. But for now I do not want to limit myself to a certain era and discover what I like.

Soon I would like to post images of styles  I like so you can see what style I'd like to achieve.

I really hope you readers will understand me, because I feel like I'm betraying someone.. Maybe you have been in a similiar situation yourself once? How did you cope with being "disenchanted" (read that word in a blog somewhere) with a style you've had for years?

With love,

Jip.