A lot has changed since I last wrote. And a lot has not. Yet.
Fist of all, I passed my first exam! It was not nearly as hard as I expected it to be, and it gave me lots of sewing-confidence as well. This is something that was/is still lacking in other parts of my life and which came to my mind almost everyday for the past few months. I have been feeling really insecure. Since I tried to get over my speech impediment-which I did, I almost never stammer anymore and it feels so great to be finally able to speak and call without fear after all those years- I think rather a lot about myself, but I think this is very normal for an 18-year-old. I think about everything. How I act, talk, walk, look and so on. When I was younger I used to have a lot of confidence but somehow I lost that a bit in the past two years.
What also worries me is that I am terribly disorganized, which I have been since I was very little. 'A cluttered room is a cluttered mind' really sounds like the truth for me now, whenever I tidy up a room or space, I feel immediately better about myself. Today I de-cluttered the sewing room and spending time there is so much more fun now, I cannot wait to finally get to all those sewing projects I have been wanting to do for ages. And tidy up more rooms, feel better and eventually become a more organized person in general!
Sewing has been on my mind a lot lately. 'What if I never learn it?' '... is much better than I am' etc. Every time I sew something ugly I feel like I'll never learn. But when I sew something and it actually looks good, I feel good and I feel that with the time being, I'll learn more techniques and eventually will become a real seamstress.
My boyfriend is studying in Utrecht, which is only 1,5 hours away from me instead of more than 3. The distance is still hard to deal with but it is worth it, I know it! I'll be with him this weekend and on Sunday we're together for 1year and 5 months.Time flies when you're having fun, I love you darling! ♥
How I look is also something that I have thinking about a lot. I dress late 30s/40s style daily, but sometimes I forget that there is no war were I live and that I do not have to wear worn-out dresses, which I have often done just because they were vintage. I often portray a ww2 civilian during re-enactment events and I want to do that as historically accurate as possible. But in the everyday, I would like the things I wear to be a bit more glamorous. I am not re-enacting when I am at home and therefore I don't mind if things are not 100% accurate. As long as they are on events, when it really matters!
In November, I'll turn 19 years old. As a birthday present, I get a colour analysis from my teacher. Then I will finally know what colours do and do not suit me. And I'll know what colour I will dye my hair. I do not like my natural hair. But I do want a 'new' colour to look good and natural.
I'm sorry for these rantings, but I thought I'd tell you about what goes on in my life at the moment and why I have not been writing a lot lately.
with love,
Jip.
