A lot has changed since I last wrote. And a lot has not. Yet.
Fist of all, I passed my first exam! It was not nearly as hard as I expected it to be, and it gave me lots of sewing-confidence as well. This is something that was/is still lacking in other parts of my life and which came to my mind almost everyday for the past few months. I have been feeling really insecure. Since I tried to get over my speech impediment-which I did, I almost never stammer anymore and it feels so great to be finally able to speak and call without fear after all those years- I think rather a lot about myself, but I think this is very normal for an 18-year-old. I think about everything. How I act, talk, walk, look and so on. When I was younger I used to have a lot of confidence but somehow I lost that a bit in the past two years.
What also worries me is that I am terribly disorganized, which I have been since I was very little. 'A cluttered room is a cluttered mind' really sounds like the truth for me now, whenever I tidy up a room or space, I feel immediately better about myself. Today I de-cluttered the sewing room and spending time there is so much more fun now, I cannot wait to finally get to all those sewing projects I have been wanting to do for ages. And tidy up more rooms, feel better and eventually become a more organized person in general!
Sewing has been on my mind a lot lately. 'What if I never learn it?' '... is much better than I am' etc. Every time I sew something ugly I feel like I'll never learn. But when I sew something and it actually looks good, I feel good and I feel that with the time being, I'll learn more techniques and eventually will become a real seamstress.
My boyfriend is studying in Utrecht, which is only 1,5 hours away from me instead of more than 3. The distance is still hard to deal with but it is worth it, I know it! I'll be with him this weekend and on Sunday we're together for 1year and 5 months.Time flies when you're having fun, I love you darling! ♥
How I look is also something that I have thinking about a lot. I dress late 30s/40s style daily, but sometimes I forget that there is no war were I live and that I do not have to wear worn-out dresses, which I have often done just because they were vintage. I often portray a ww2 civilian during re-enactment events and I want to do that as historically accurate as possible. But in the everyday, I would like the things I wear to be a bit more glamorous. I am not re-enacting when I am at home and therefore I don't mind if things are not 100% accurate. As long as they are on events, when it really matters!
In November, I'll turn 19 years old. As a birthday present, I get a colour analysis from my teacher. Then I will finally know what colours do and do not suit me. And I'll know what colour I will dye my hair. I do not like my natural hair. But I do want a 'new' colour to look good and natural.
I'm sorry for these rantings, but I thought I'd tell you about what goes on in my life at the moment and why I have not been writing a lot lately.
with love,
Jip.
4 comments:
It's so good to here all this good news! And don't worry too much, everything will be fine.
I love it that's now it's only 1.5h of driving to your boyfriend, I wish I could say the same but for me it's still 3h. So good to know that you two are almost 1year and 5months together, Congratulations!
Mooi geschreven Jip! :-)
Dag Jip,
Wat heb je dat mooi omschreven, bijzonder voor een meisje van 18 dat onzeker hoort te zijn, en ik vond je vanaf de eerste keer dat ik je zag al een typische uitstraling hebben voor de re-enactment, wat zeg ik levende geschiedenis, en dat is ook zo gebeurt gelukkig.
Wat er allemaal door je hoofd gaat en wat je allemaal opschrijft is alles behalve chaotisch, dat heb je erg goed verwoord, en voor wat het waard is, ik twijfel er niet aan dat je uiteindelijk een goede coupeuse wordt die alles kan maken wat ze wil omdat je het graag wilt en dan lukt het ook. En bijna anderhalf jaar samen, het samen leuk hebben wat wil je nog meer, ik wens jou en Sjoerd heel veel geluk en natuurlijk gefeliciteerd.
You're not "ranting" at all, sweet dear. It's important to share your thoughts and to refrain from keeping everything that's weighing on your mind bottled up 24/7. If you can't do that freely on your own blog, where can you?
Congratulations on passing your first exam! I'm very proud of you and wish you continued success with all of your studies, as well as a bright and happy future in all areas of your life.
Big hugs (from a fellow gal who used to stutter as a youngster - and still does once in a while),
♥ Jessica
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