Thursday, November 20, 2014

Make a long-distance relationship work

Since yesterday my boyfriend and I have officially been together for 1,5 years and I still love him like crazy. I even think I love him a bit more everyday.  We live a few hours away from each other,  depending if he is at home or in the city where he goes to school. Despite the distance and the fact that I stress about it a lot (which I do about nearly everything) I know he is worth it and I know he thinks the same about me.  We plan on living together once we have both finished school.  Perhaps earlier if it is possible.  From there, will see how things work out but already at this time we think about marriage sometimes and just about building a future together. And that feels good.

Long-distance relationships are the toughest ones around, I think.  You really love someone but can't be with him all the time. Sometimes he  is not around when you actually need him the most and that can be really frustrating.  You also need to trust each other one hundred percent or else it just won't work and you'll be anxious all the time about where the other person is our what the they're up to. Thinking about the future can be a scary thing because you can never tell what the future will hold for you or what can happen.  If you are a person like me,  who stresses a lot about things,  this is particularly hard and you really have to convince yourself that everything is going to be just fine.  Because most of the time,  it will! I think that having certain doubts and thoughts ( about if things will work out the way you want to and if this is THE person you'll spend the rest of your life with) are very normal in any relationship because it's a rather big decision and your happiness, or at least a part of it, depends on it. And you never know how things will workout.  I think this kind of 'anxiety' is healthy and normal as long as you don't let it get in the way of being happy in your relationship or think about it all the time.  

Now of course there are a lot of positive and great things about long-distance relationships. That feeling you get when you know you'll see your significant other again really soon.  And then that moment when you can finally hold him in your arms again and know you won't have to miss each other for a little while.  I hate to say goodbye to him but I
know that I'll be seeing him again. That comforts me every time when I say goodbye or miss him. I always tell myself : it won't be forever,  you'll see him again. You just have to be a little bit more patient. As I said before,  you really need to trust each other completely because you never know where your partner is every minute of the day and what they're up to (I'm not saying you should.  Everyone needs their personal space and time) but it is bad if you're afraid if he might cheat or something like that. If you trust your partner one hundred percent you won't have to deal with that thought because you just know they would never, ever do that to you. And I just love the fact that I trust my boyfriend completely,  it comforts me.  More so,  because you hear and read a lot about people cheating on each other. And it is one thing less I have to stress about,  yay!

I'd like to share with you some tips and advices to make your (long-distance) relationship work. It worked and still works for me! 

1. Talk. Just talk.  Whether it is about something you like, saw, heard,   what you want to do, or especially if something is bothering you.  Talk. Communication is one of the most important things in a good relationship.  If there is something that bothers you about your partner,  something he said or did,  you should talk about it.  Don't let things pile up in your head because one day they can get out all at once and I can imagine that could cause an unpleasant situation. Little things can turn into such big ones. 

On that note,  I have to admit that we never have been in a fight.  I have never really been angry at him.  Maybe because we talk a lot ?

2. Remember the good times.  Thinking about good times can help to get your mind a bit off missing him a lot and you'll know that the waiting and missing are not in vain. There is a purpose. Look at pictures of days when you had lots of fun and try to remember the feeling you had back then. Call him and talk about that fun night you went out together and had dinner at that nice restaurant. Make plans for the future,  because then you'll have something to look forward to. For me,  that is really important and sometimes I count the days that are left until we see each other again.

3. Stay connected. Nowadays we have telephones, text messages, Facebook and Skype. Very important if you have a long-distance relationship, I think. Because you cannot only hear the other person but actually see them! Of course you can also choose to write each other real letters some of the time. That's very romantic and a very fun thing to do!

4. Make plans.  Planning ahead will make you look forward to something
and that feels great.  Plan when you'll see each other again,  it will help you to cope with missing him. As for the future that's a bit further away,  just have a general idea about what you want and when that can happen.  Talk about it,  maybe save some money already for it ( for example,  we want to live together and we already set aside a little money for it,  even if it is still far away in the future). Which brings me to the next point:

5. Don't stress.  You can't always expect things to work out the way you want,  sometimes you planned to see each other and for some reason you can't.  That is awful but you have to keep in mind that those things can happen.  School and work are also very important.  Maybe you cannot be with each other  everyday now,  but you will in the future.  Just be patient and be happy with what you have.  Don't take it for granted. Laugh when you can and just enjoy the time you can spend with each other :) 

I hope someone will find this post helpful, I really enjoyed writing it! 

With love,


Emma Declerck said...

I really loved reading this post Jip! I told you already that I'm also in a long-distance relationship and it's not easy at all because I really miss him. This month we're 4months (and congratulations that you're already 1.5year together!) and in those 4 months we have already travelled a lot to see each other, it's 250km and as students it's not easy. All my work for school doens't make it much easier but like you said: trust is very important. And luckily there's facebook, skyp and text messages... I'm also a person who's quickly worried about something and sometimes I have doubts about everything. For me the 'beauty' of a long-distance relationship is that only then you really know what missing someone means and that you really long to see him again. And when you see them again, oh I don't know how to describe that feeling.
Now it's already 4 weeks ago that I saw him and because of all my exams now, it will take an other month before we will see each other again. It's not always easy but together almost everything is possible!

xoxo Emma

Jessica Cangiano said...

What a heartwarming, wise post, sweet dear. Tony and I started out as a long distance relationship, as we met online, and were again for another (about) 2.5 months before we married. I also had long distnace relationships prior to him (albeit with people I'd met online) can attest to, and agree with, everything that you said here.

I truly hope it works out for you an your BF. Believe me when I say that if you can survive a long distance relationship, the one you have in person someday will be all the more stronger as a result (Tony and I have been married for over ten years now).

♥ Jessica

Vo Mm said...

Great post and great advice :)

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